Let’s journey back in time. Close your eyes and think about your first day of high school or the time you brought your new baby home from the hospital.
What do you see? What do you remember? What do you feel in your body now as you revisit that memory?
Think about another turning point in your life: leaving home, graduating, getting married, your first job, moving to a new city, or landing your first big client. Notice the sensations. Does your breath shorten? Does your heart race? Does your stomach tighten? Perhaps you can’t even feel your body. Were these the same experiences you had back then? Did you go through those times shaky, worried and fearful?
It doesn’t make sense that you would be that way, does it? Those turning points were positive. That Soul light deep within you yearned for those opportunities. Those times couldn’t come soon enough. Yet, there you were – distressed.
The Biology of Change
So, why does change feel so unsettling? And why would a good change feel so bad?
That’s because your body isn’t programed for change. Your brain and nervous system are wired to seek safety. To your body, safety feels like routine, balance and stability. When you feel safe you are certain of outcomes. You can pretty much count on the same-old things happening.
Change, on the other hand, feels like disruption, turmoil or disarray. Change is new and sometimes there is no roadmap for new – even the good kind of new. People and places are unfamiliar. You might not know what’s expected of you now. Scary.
Your vagus nerve, which is the largest part of your nervous system, works to instill calm in your body. This contributes to your ability to digest food or relax or even recover from stress. When you are entering into the great unknown of a new relationship or first job, you experience too many new variables. Too much potential risk. Too much shake up and no routine.
Positive change to your nervous system can feel just as impactful as negative. It gets hard to focus. Your sleep is disrupted. You worry or shut down.
That branch of your nervous system that kept you calm, gives way to another branch that now keeps you awake at night. This branch is intended to look for danger.
When you fear, it is hard to stay open to the new ideas. Your brain wants to focus on the scary things. This conflict between old and new can be hard for a while. Hard but never impossible to manage.
The Conflict Between Safety and Growth
To experience change is to experience growth. Change shifts your perspectives. It matures you. By working with change, you learn new life skills and develop empathy.
Your inner light yearns for growth at the same time your body wants to stay put. This conflict between clutching to the safe and old verses the new and growing can be navigated.
The good news is that you can work with your biology to find spiritual balance.
Strategies for Finding Balance
Soothing your vagus nerve, helps you embrace change with more confidence, grace, and ease.
Here are my favorites:
- Take a slow, deep breath through your nose. Pull the air deep into your lungs and hold for a few seconds. Allow your chest to expand. Pay attention to the energy shift. Inhaling increases heart rate in a way that helps invigorate (not overstimulate) your body.
- Slowly exhale the breath through your mouth. This lowers your heart rate which in turn lowers your blood pressure. It creates more space between the beats of your heart which is a good thing.
- Engage in activities that bring you joy. Do you like to paint? Dance? Read? Are you someone that wants to make things? Activities that connect you with nature are particularly grounding.
- Connect with your people. Your people are safe people. They make you laugh and are calming. If you have moved to a new town and don’t know anyone yet, pick up the phone or connect through zoom.
- Bring the familiar favorites with you. Fill your space with items that engage your senses – a soft blanket, a special scent, or your favorite color. Even soaps of shampoos can make you feel calm. Plants clean the air.
- Notice and acknowledge what hasn’t changed. All of your past experiences have led you to this moment. Even though the new landscape is unfamiliar, you are still an evolving, amazing you.
A Return to Confidence
The beauty of this process is that your soul and body will reestablish equilibrium. Soon, what is now new and unsettling will become a comforting routine.
You’ve got this.
